Tour De Atlanta

A year or two ago, Atlanta created a new branding campaign to increase tourism in Atlanta. Their slogan is, "Every day is opening day." Not quite "What happens in Vegas..." I'm not really sure why the tourists aren't pouring in. I mean Atlanta is the preeminent commercial, industrial, and shipping hub of the southeast. Who doesn't love shipping? I'm stumped myself as to why Atlanta hasn't knocked the Bahamas off the top of the tourist destinations list. So in order to encourage people to visit Atlanta, I have created a virtual tour of the city's top attractions.

1. Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport - They don't call it the ATL for nothing. Atlanta is colloquially referred to by its airport code, ATL. That's probably because the airport is all that most visitors to Atlanta ever see. As the busiest airport in the world, thousands upon thousands of air travelers have had the pleasure of sleeping on the floors of the airport's spacious concourses and baggage claim areas.
2. MARTA - Atlanta has a subway! It has two lines! No one rides it! Isn't it cute!
3. Stone Mountain - Stone mountain is a unique geologic formation. It is essentially a giant granite rock that towers 825 feet over the surrounding terrain. It is a natural wonder that is home to several unique species of plants and animals. And in the grand tradition of the South, this natural wonder was defaced by carving 90 foot tall Confederate heroes into the side. It is also the site of the 20th century revival of the KKK.
4. CDC - Atlanta is home to the Centers for Disease Control. It is very comforting knowing that mere miles from my home is a storehouse of some of the deadliest diseases the world has ever known. Fun!
5. Downtown - Downtown Atlanta is home such attractions as the Centennial Olympic Park, the World of Coke, and the CNN Center. You may remember Centennial Olympic Park from the bombing during the Olympics in 1996. Also, Atlanta is the birth place of Coca-cola. Coke used to have cocaine in it to ease headaches. Atlanta is also home the Turner empire which includes CNN. You can take a tour of the CNN Center. It sounds exciting! Maybe I'll take it someday. Interestingly, everyone in Georgia watches Fox News. Go figure.
6. Six Flags Over Georgia - Six Flags Over Georgia is home to Goliath, a totally awesome roller coaster. It is also home to frequent shootings, stabbings, and beatings. It seems that during the summer it is cheaper to buy a season pass at Six Flags than to pay for daycare. Unsupervised teenagers would never get into any trouble, would they?
7. Kennesaw Mountain - During the Civil War, Atlanta was an important military supply and transportation hub for the Confederacy. Its defense was imperative. To that end, the Confederate army fortified a steep hill just northwest of the city along the Union path of advance. They placed gun batteries and fortifications atop the hill in almost unassailable positions. The Union, when faced with this seemingly impregnable position, prudently marched around Kennesaw Mountain and continued on their way to Atlanta.
8. The Big Chicken - It's a KFC that looks like a giant chicken. The beak opens and closes, and the eyes move around. Bitch'n!
9. Celebrities - Atlanta is home to a suprisingly large number of celebrities: Elton John, Usher, Whitney Houston, Outkast, T-Boz, TI, Ted Turner,... and the list goes on. I heard that Whitney Houston lives somewhere in Alpharetta. Wanna go find her house? I hear she's really friendly!

This is just a sampling of what Atlanta has to offer. To get the full Atlanta experience, you will have to come and see it for yourself!