Engaged Encounters

It seems that my life is scheduled around weddings. At last count, I think I attend approximately three to four hundred a year. Given this frequency of weddings, I have borne witness to a number of engagements. Typically, the process works as follows (though not always in this order): the man goes out and buys an extremely expensive diamond ring, then he asks a woman (preferably one he knows) to marry him. If she accepts, she takes the ring as a pledge of his commitment.

How quaint...and blatantly sexist. The tradition of giving gold and jewels at the engagement dates to when women were viewed as helpless possessions and in need of a man's protection. The high cost means it's kind of like a deposit. You know like earnest money when you're buying a house. The American tradition of a diamond engagement ring that costs two to three months salary is largely a result of a marketing campaign by the diamond cartel DeBeers in an effort to boost diamond sales.

So given the advent of women's lib, it is bizarre that this tradition persists. Women are just as capable as backing out before, or seeking a divorce after the marriage. What ensures a man's security? How does he know his bride to be is serious about marriage? Since it seems unlikely that women will give up expensive engagement rings any time soon, it seems only fair that the women should give the man an equivalent gift as a pledge of her commitment.

In some, though still rare, cases the woman gives the man an engagement watch or ring. But this will never catch on. We men are practical creatures, and we have little use for jewels. Thus, I propose a new tradition, the engagement TV. What better way to celebrate the joy of marriage then with a Samsung 70" 1080p flat panel LCD HDTV? I'm sure you could it engraved with your initials or something sentimental like that.

I can just imagine it now. A darkened room, silhouettes on the wall, classical music playing, we see the shadow of a woman get down on one knee before a man. She opens the box, revealing the TV. In his joy he hugs her, a clear sign of acceptance. How else can three months salary last a lifetime?