I Think It's Time for Me to Leave

My time in Georgia is rapidly drawing to a close. My decision to leave was not made lightly, but it is most certainly mutual. I mean everything started out great, but eventually we grew apart. Finally, things turned nasty.

In the beginning Atlanta was new and exciting. Here it is common (and in fact encouraged) to drive 75 to 80 in a 55 zone. There were strip clubs on every corner, and housing prices were half of what they were in DC. But after awhile, it's the little things that get to you. Georgia tried to change me, and I didn't want to be changed. It told me I wasn't allowed to drink on Sunday and that accepting the overwhelming scientific evidence in favor of evolution has set me on a path straight toward Hell.

Even so, we were able to overlook our differences. After all, we were having a good time. Georgia only made me work four hours a day, and I paid Georgia taxes and quietly accepted that my state representative, state senator, and house representative are political extremists that run unopposed in every election.

But then I made the fatal mistake of talking about Georgia behind its back. I just needed to vent, and I only discussed our problems with people I trusted. Even so, word must have made it back because that's when the passive aggressive behavior began. And let me tell you that the first retaliatory act was a doozy. Last September, my favorite strip club, Girls-R-Fun, shut down (an event documented by Sarah). Now I will never get to go. I was saving it for my graduation celebration, but now that will never happen.

Things continued downhill from there. Not long afterwards, the only radio station I listened to shut down. Georgia was trying to tell me something. We tried to patch things up, but about then I started talking to my old state, Virginia, again. When Georgia found out, it went ballistic. GDOT closed the exit I use to get to work and eliminated a lane from the highway. At that point things were pretty much over. I told Georgia I was moving out. Fortunately, Virginia has agreed to take me back.

I'm looking forward to it. Really. Things are going to be different this time around. I won't complain at all about the long commutes and outrageous real estate prices...I'm screwed.

Dangerously Overeducated

As some of you might have heard, I successfully defended my doctoral dissertation about a month ago. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate your your praise. Put down that middle finger, Mike D! As with any academic, I enjoy discussing my field of study at great length, and I would like to take this opportunity to tell you a little more about the school where I studied and the degree I obtained.

First, I cannot say enough about my school, Creme de la Creme. It has been voted the number one daycare/pre-school program in Atlanta. I have to say that moving all the way from Washington, D.C. just to attend this mecca of learning was definitely worth it. While at 29 years of age, I am considered a non-traditional aged student, I think I fit in quite well with my peers. I especially excelled at nap time and snack time. Sometimes some of the other students are so excited that they have trouble settling down for nap time, but that has never been a problem for me. Also, some get too full to finish their snacks. Rather than let perfectly good food go to waste, I am obligated to go through the trash can and finish off the leftovers.

You might want to know what I studied at Creme de la Creme. Well, my PhD will be in Lego building. I spent several years studying the structure and composition of Lego bricks as well as Lego design philosophy. Upon the completion of my formal coursework, I had to take a difficult examination in which I had to construct a puppy out of Legos in just 8 hours! After passing the exam, not only was I cleared to proceed with my dissertation work, but I also gained access to the regular sized Lego bricks (The large Duplo blocks can be quite limiting creatively). Despite my extensive training, there were still several choking incidents, but with time and experience I learned which Legos were safe to eat and which were choking hazards.

By the end of my third year, I was ready to propose my dissertation. It was entitled "An Analysis of the Structural Properties of Acrylonitrile Butadiene Styrene and its Application to Building Really Awesome Star Cruisers." The topic was a big hit with the faculty. As part of my research I built the really awesome star cruiser seen below.

I successfully defended about a month ago, and I have since been nominated for a best dissertation award for, and I quote, "the insightful recognition that it is really the properties that the polybutadiene lends to ABS that make it a viable material for use in children's toys," and for "being quite legible despite being written in Crayon."

I think my degree has throughly prepared me for my new career as a stay at home husband, and I encourage any of you out there that are also interested in this career field to consider pursuing your degree at Creme de la Creme.