Welcome to Virginia...Now go buy some salad!

As my more astute readers may have already ascertained, I have left Georgia and returned to Virginia. Why you ask? Well first, I have to make clear that the rumors of a falling out between Usher and me are completely untrue and thus have no bearing on this relocation. We had a great time collaborating on his new album, "Here I stand." In fact, if you check out the liner notes, you'll find that he respected my anonymity by not thanking me. So things are going great.

And no, it had nothing to do with Rob's unforgivable betrayal (you know what you did, Rob, so don't act all shocked!). Instead, it really had more to do with getting kicked out by Georgia Tech. It seems that once you meet the requirements for completion of a degree, you are not allowed to collect your graduate research assistant stipend anymore. They just kick you out on the street, and oh, by the way, make a donation to the alumni association on the way out. With my plan to earn money without doing any real work in shambles, I was forced to seek "employment" at a "legitimate" company. Fortunately, my old employer, the Taco Bell on Elden St. in Herndon was willing to take me back.

So now I have returned to Virginia. Of course there was a great deal of fanfare. In fact, Mike D hosted a welcome back party for me at his home. Everyone was supposed to bring something to contribute. I asked Mike what he needed, and he asked me to pick up a few bags of pre-mixed salad. I was under the mistaken impression that this salad would be for eating. It turns out that the sole purpose of this salad was to accent the decor of his kitchen because that is where it remained for the duration of the party. I can't help but feel that this was a subtle but unmistakable message directed at me. "Welcome back to Virginia. Your taste in salad sucks!"

Apparently, Mike D is too good for the spring mix!! I guess a delightful mix of baby lettuce, endive, and mustard greens isn't up to his salad making standards. Well next time you can get the salad yourself because I won't be your lettuce bitch again.